Last night, just as I said I would, I went to Cosmic Zumba. Holy hell in a handbasket. I kept telling the girl I went with that I was challenged. She didn't seem to believe me. The setting was super cool. They replaced all of the lights in the ceiling with blacklights, then had strobe lights running, the walls all had multi-colored lights on them, and everyone wore white. Except me. I don't own a white t-shirt and so I wore my royal blue UK shirt that had white writing on it. My bad. I was one of like 5 people who missed the memo. At least I wasn't alone!! They also passed oout glow necklaces and Laura brought glow-stick bracelets. Voila:
The class itself ran pretty much like normal. And by normal, I mean evil. And by evil, I mean the end of time as we know it. The first several songs I did pretty good. Kept up for the most part, broke a lil' sweat. We got a water break after every 3 songs, and we did about 15 songs total. Somewhere around song 7 or 8 I realized I was going to die. I wasn't keeping up with the steps, not because I'm rhythmically challenged and couldn't follow. No, no. I completely understood what she was asking me to do. And in my head I was doing it, right on beat. However, in reality my body was 100% out of commission. At one point, I actually started to laugh in this manic hysterical manner. Laura turned and looked at me probably thinking I was cray-cray. Kelly (the instructor) was doing this super super super fast song and her hips were shaking faster than Shakira's. And I just flat out started laughing thinking, "I'm sorry. You think my body is gonna do THAT? My bad. We apparently were not properly introduced." But instead of stopping, I decided to just keep moving in some fashion. My hips were shaking, though not in double-time, and my legs were moving and my arms were flailing. But I kept moving! We got another water break, and I thought this MUST be the cool down time. I asked Laura, and she proceeded to tell me we had 3 songs left, and then a cool-down song. I'm sorry....what?
I looked around and saw that about half the room was doing great and pumped and wishing there were 10 more songs. I dubbed this the cray-cray half. The other half looked like me - dripping with sweat, shirt soaking wet, and eyes that said, "My hips don't lie. Peace." I dubbed this the thatta-girl! half. Woof. Sooooo, then came three more fast crazy Latin infused twist your hips like a beast songs. I really at this point thought I would die. But I survived!!!! When we finally got to the cool-down song, it was Gwen Stefani's "Sweet Escape". How fitting. Kelly told us to all sing along (yeah....because singing was possible. can't breathe, but let's all hold hands and sing Cumbaya right fast.) I pretty much just made loud honking noises that somewhat resembled words, whilst I stretched out my cavs, hips, toes, eyelashes and anything else that could still function.
When I got home I immediately took the longest, hottest shower that I have ever had. Ever. It felt soooo good. I did not order the pizza that I wanted to. Instead, I had a cup of peas, three boiled eggs, and another wheat Lean Cuisine.
And that my friends, is the story of how the little girl went to Zumba and lived to tell about it. The darndest part of it all? I'm going back next week. Swell.
Peace, love and Zumba,
Micha
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